1 week ago
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"i love when bands are like 'we haven’t played our most popular three songs but we’re leaving the stage now…..don’t ask us to come back out….we won’t do it…..don’t even think about chanting…..'" —@_chase_____
Hello again, friends! I had COVID on International Women's Day this year and missed last week's Funny Tweets By Women post — misogyny truly is everywhere!! Anyway, congrats to haleybeatson for winning Funniest Comment in the previous roundup:
haleybeatson / Via buzzfeed.com
Readers, sound off in the comments about how immature and unfunny you think this comment is! You know you want to. <3
Make sure you follow all these funny ladies on Twitter!
5.
Legit call from the school: Principal: I just wanted to touch base with you. Your daughter was baiting seagulls into the playground with gummy worms and actually caught one; Like in her arms. It did bite her—not hard, but I needed to inform you that we filed an incident report
7.
@TheLincoln I believe in using Vaseline as a marital aid while the kids are young. You don't use it as lube, you put it on the doorknob so the kids can't get the bedroom door open.
8.
Once I worked in a middle school and promised the kids if they met some big behavioral goal that I would rap the entirety of “Lose Yourself” by Eminem and also it’s important to note that we focused a lot more on behavior than on spelling
9.
Slow day. Gonna tweet something like "Geese Are The Ultimate Short Kings" and then come back to 400 comments, 6 death threats, and a Buzzfeed article just to feel alive.
12.
flea’s litter box texting me whenever he pees or poops is where surveillance tech finally got me. im in the middle of the atlantic and i know my cat just pissed. it made me tear up. the future is so disgusting i shouldn’t have this
14.
ask a guy how his day was and he'll give you a one word response but ask him what's the strongest animal you think he could take in a fight and you'll learn more about him and how he views the world than you ever could otherwise
18.
We reminded our kindergartner he’ll be at a different school next year, and he said “How will I get there? On the bus?” We said we weren’t sure yet. He nodded knowingly. “Probably by dump truck.”
20.
i love when bands are like “we haven’t played our most popular three songs but we’re leaving the stage now…..don’t ask us to come back out….we won’t do it…..don’t even think about chanting…..”
22.
just realized i was involuntarily doing the macarena while reading through emails because some car outside has it blasting (?!) and that's apparently how easy i would be to brainwash
