The Funniest Tweets From Women This Week (Sept. 17-23)

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The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our day with their brilliant and succinct wit. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up their hilarious musings.

Scroll through this week’s great tweets from women below, then visit our “Funniest Tweets From Women” page for past roundups.

omg thanks for ending the meeting 4 minutes early and "giving me some time back" -- now I can finally pursue my passions

— I hope this is satire… (@sablaah) September 20, 2022

won't someone please invent a nightstand the size of a dining room table for all my waters and lotions and books

— Jill Twiss (@jilltwiss) September 22, 2022

i like that weed gets called the devil’s lettuce… it makes me think he’s in a community garden or something

— Sydney Battle (@SydneyBattle) September 17, 2022

whenever my therapist says "that must have been really hard" i want her to put it in a note so i can get out of PE

— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) September 22, 2022

“explain the gap in your resume” it’s been messed up like that since college and I’m too afraid to start a new document

— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) September 20, 2022

i hate babies with grown-ass names, no i ain’t holding WALTER 😭

— scarlet (@bbyscar1819) September 21, 2022

microdosing wikipedia (marrying a man with ADHD)

— Daisy Alioto (@daisandconfused) September 17, 2022

This poor pharmacy tech was doing the mental calculations on whether to call me “sir” or “ma’am” — and then he saw my shirt says DYKES and completely panicked and said “May I help you, dykes? Oh god. Oh my god.” I’ve bought him an ice cream to calm him down.

— Heather Hogan (@theheatherhogan) September 20, 2022

seeing a boyfriend's handwriting for the first time can be one of the most jarring experiences of a girl's life

— layla (@laylology) September 21, 2022

judge: do you swear to speak the truth and nothing but the truth

me: yes

judge: who do you like

me: omg dare

— unintentionelle (@ellewasamistake) September 17, 2022

I hope the TSA agent who made me open my sandwich and “move the pickles around” feels super stupid. In the end it was a sandwich.

— Akilah Hughes (@AkilahObviously) September 19, 2022

there should be an opposite costco where u can buy just a little bit of stuff

— Liv :P (@liv_username) September 18, 2022

6 months ago the dentist said I had perfect gums. today the dental hygienist said I had “very good gums.” there is a miscommunication going on in this office. there is toxicity, and miscommunication

— tara shoe (@tarashoe) September 21, 2022

If you feel lonely in the world, know you are quietly forever connected to the twenty strangers who also felt up this grocery store avocado and put it back down.

— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) September 20, 2022

sending a risky text is very exciting until they don’t respond within 0.00001 seconds and you realize you’re going to have to flee the country and assume a new identity

— ellie schnitt (@holy_schnitt) September 20, 2022

i have never been left on read, i’ve only left people speechless

— sarah lugor! (@sarahlugor) September 19, 2022

I almost just threw up remembering those huge pink mustaches lyft drivers had to put on their cars

— caitie delaney (@caitiedelaney) September 20, 2022

to help ourselves with the move we decided to empty out the liquor cart by doing shots and this is probably the worst moving idea we’ve had yet

— Kristen Arnett (@Kristen_Arnett) September 17, 2022

Cackling hysterically because my bf uninstalled all social media to focus on grad school and now casually scrolls the IKEA APP instead 😭😭 No bitches, blahaj only

— rissa.txt ⃤🦋 (@rissafrmoffline) September 20, 2022

What do you think the other Maroon 4 are saying

— Hanna Dickinson (@hansdickie) September 21, 2022

when i see a drugstore i HAVE to go in. boys are always like “oh why? do you need something?” idk! that’s why i have to go in there! i gotta scope it out! see the sights! read the backs of some shampoo bottles! why don’t they get that?

— dana bad (@baddanadanabad) September 20, 2022

every perfume now is called “Guess I’m Not Daddy’s Widdle Baby No More With This Big Ass” or “Desecration”

— amelia elizalde (@ameliaelizalde) September 19, 2022

It is literally insane when my car needs something.. you’re not real

— helena (@freshhel) September 20, 2022

why is it always “attorney at law”? i want to be an attorney at other stuff. attorney at having a good time

— erin chack (@ErinChack) September 20, 2022
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