1. GDP Theft Auto

by Evan Milenko, writer 

After 13 years of waiting, Grand Theft Auto [GTA] VI is set to arrive next month and over a million Americans are forecast to call out sick when it drops.

Economists are actually predicting this could cause America’s GDP to take a $1 billion hit on its release day, according to International Business Times.

I hate to sound the alarm but the effect this game will have is being severely underestimated. GTA VI has been so hyped at this point that it’s expected to be nothing less than a digital fentanyl black hole, and, according to my calculations, gamers will cross its event horizon and never return to work.

Don’t go outside either — DoorDash drivers will be driving recklessly to deliver pizza to couch-locked gamers.

Even accounting for GDP gain from delivery drivers working overtime, we are still looking at a 2008-style crash times a million.

President Trump: Fortify GameStops and order a shelter-in-place on Nov. 19. For safety purposes, obviously.

2. Hotties in SF: An Invasive Species?

by Nicole Wizman, writer 

Wednesday, Pirate Wires reported that SF, once a wasteland for uggos, is now teeming with beautiful women.

On X, these women post viral selfies announcing their new jobs in AI sales and growth, while men we interviewed are clocking 10s in the Marina.

Is this a sign we’re in … a bubble? AI startups, swimming in VC cash, are now shifting their energies toward buying attention, i.e., sexy saleswomen to help them stand out.

Whether those eyeballs convert to customers is questionable, but as the debate continues over whether baddies in the Bay means the economy is about to tank, consider these examples of peak froth: One AI company hired a “Head of Coffee” (whaaaat?), another offers Porches to employees who refer new engineers, and a third pays staff $1,000 monthly to live nearby.

Enjoy the blondes, booze and cars while they last, friends (and maybe consider shorting the market).

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3. Uhhh I think it’s about the Antichrist?

by Blake Dodge, writer 

You may have heard about Peter Thiel’s Antichrist lectures. For months, journalists have speculated about Thiel’s motivation.

Was he, given the lectures’ anti-regulation theme, merely talking his book? Or, my personal favorite: Was he trying to come off as a “zany contrarian” to help raise money? (As though Thiel needs help with either of those things.)

Courtesy of G.B. Rango’s new 10,000-word essay (the first to seriously engage with the actual content of the lectures), we’re offering our own take: Peter Thiel actually cares a great deal about the Antichrist!

The lectures are dense, academic works of political theology. They posit that the Antichrist is a modern threat because of strengthening infrastructure for worldwide tyranny, among other factors.

Like, sorry, but this is just the feverish work of a zany, neurodivergent, intellectual contrarian. You should read GB’s piece, if you want to try to follow along, and maybe the Bible while you’re at it.

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